The Suspicious Mind
YOU KNOW WHAT? I’m getting sick and tired of trying to be someone that I’m not. Constantly conforming to what I think somebody else thinks I should be. I feel that I’m always being judged. Even when I’m on my own, I imagine people judging me and in my mind that judgment is mostly negative.
Sometimes I ask myself ‘why would they judge me at all?’ and the answer is they probably don’t… and yet the insecurities, the self consciousness, the feeling of unworthiness persist.
Yer I know! When I’m on my own reflecting on what other people might be thinking about me I do realize that they’re probably so wrapped up in their own personal dramas that they haven’t the time nor the inclination to think about me far less judge me…
… And yet, I feel so strongly that they do… and even if it were true, in the scheme of things, what the hell does it matter? This inner turmoil serves no constructive purpose at all and is upsetting my enjoyment of life.
I often ask myself, ‘does it make my life any better by spending the greater part of my day worrying about what other people think of me?’… or is this really the way I think about myself? Ahhh!… Maybe that’s where the problem lies.
It’s not really them at all is it? It’s my own inner judgment of myself that I am projecting outwards. It’s all in my mind! Underneath I do realize that as I regard myself as a fairly intelligent human being. But even so I can’t help these spurious thoughts from colouring the way I approach my relationships with other people.
Do you relate to that? Do you feel like me at times, that you should act differently somehow… to please them… to make them like you better? Does it make it difficult to be social with all this negativity churning around in your mind?
Does it make it difficult to be yourself? Maybe you are just like me. Hmmm… thinking about it… Maybe we are just like everyone else…
Dan’s Quote: “Worrying won’t stop the bad stuff from happening.
______________It just stops you from enjoying the good stuff.”