An Inside Story 39
CRITICISM of any sort stymies our capacity to be a more loving person. How can we truly love someone when, if they do something we don’t like or ‘against our better judgment’, we automatically chastise them. Their penance is only ended when they make good their misdeed, then we may judge them as worthy of our love once again, though they are usually kept on parole for a time just in case they re-offend.
This same scenario is played out every day in families and relationships all over the world. If we are not being judged – we are judging others – either way, it is we who suffer. There is an old Spanish proverb which reads: “He who does not laugh at the faults of his loved ones does not love at all.”
The prevailing tendency of a judgmental person is to constantly complain about and criticise others for their supposed indiscretions, imperfections or disabilities, which always rebounds upon the one doing the fault finding, not the one who is allegedly at fault.
As an example, a nagging wife will continually find fault with her henpecked husband. Surprisingly, this gives her a certain type of neurotic pleasure and power that she becomes addicted to and so, cannot give up. Her intentions appear on the surface to be admirable.
She may honestly believe that by moulding her husband into the type of person she believes would be better somehow than the way he is now would result in a happier marriage. Instead, she drowns any love they may have had in the past or may have in the future under a negative cloud of judgmental criticism.
She is her own worst enemy as she continues nagging her downtrodden husband. In reality, she is suffering far worse than him, as he can get away from her and go to the pub for instance, where she remains stuck with her own complaining self, twenty four hours a day.
We not only have the tendency to judge each other, we tend to judge everything around us, which spoils the spontaneity of life. We need to stop judging altogether and instead, learn to unconditionally accept whatever is in the vibrant, nonjudgmental present moment…
Dan’s Quote: “All things don’t ‘just happen’…
_____________All things ‘happen justly.”- Catherine Ponder
Inspiration for this article came from the writings of Catherine Ponder, Joel Kramer, Eckhart Tolle, A Course In Miracles, Abraham, Vernon Howard, Others – and life itself.