Mind WorX – Sex
SEXUALTY is genetically programmed to insure the continuation of our species. Mankind does not have the monopoly on this of course – it is programmed into every living creature on this planet. Survival is the name of the game. Because it is so important to the continuation of life, the act of sexual intercourse is where we feel most beguiled in an intensive and addictive moment in time.
Orgasm is timeless – an abandonment, a giving up of oneself for a moment, – 5 or 10 seconds, whatever it takes to climax, you are lost in the other person – in the sexual act itself. Even though sex is genetically programmed, it becomes one of the few places, or maybe the only place where we can experience the passion of no time.
To some of us it becomes the focal point of our lives. Sex becomes so extraordinarily important that we hunger for it again and again. Reproduction then becomes less important and the emphasis switches to self gratification.
We worry about getting enough – is my orgasm as adequate as my partner’s orgasm? Is it deep enough, rich enough, will I still be able to experience intercourse when I get older or will my potency leave me? Does ‘playing with myself’ affect my mental capabilities and why do I feel so guilty afterwards?
Am I missing out if I don’t climax? Does the failure of my penis to rise to the occasion sometimes, indicate that my sex life is coming to an end? How am I going to have a happy life with all these sexual problems? Most of us have isolated our sexuality into the genital area and consider sexuality to deal only with genital responses.
We forget that there is a lot more to sexuality, which usually involves another person with separate feelings and needs. We selfishly want them to pander to our wishes and if they don’t, we are turned off or get angry or disappointed, creating sexual tension in the process.
Once more, the sneaky ego has slipped in unawares and substituted the natural and healthy procedure for reproducing our species with that dastardly undercover agent – pleasure. The continuation of our species then becomes unimportant (we take measures that ensure we don’t produce offspring) and the pleasure of the act itself takes over.
The ego created an image and placed it in the ‘want again’ section of its library of the past when we first experienced sexual gratification – which for most of us was masturbation, when we first explored this new found piece of merchandise between our legs – liking it so much, we played with it again and again.
Each time we experience sexual gratification, the ego adds it to that image in its library, making it more potent, so the ego returns to it more and more, to relive that past good feeling. Thus from a natural instinct, it becomes an ever repeating, pleasurable pastime.
We have never lost the original purpose for our attraction to the opposite sex or the sexual act, which is instinctive within us. At the right time, when women ovulate, (which is still a natural part of a woman’s cycle) the instinct to copulate is heightened. This has been hidden to some extent beneath the egos need for pleasure.
True passion is timeless, and there is a passion in day to day living, but we have substituted that passion for sexuality, which is an ever escalating problem. Our sexual drive can become very selfish and one minded. Rape, pedophilia, sexual abuse in general, is an ever growing problem in our world, which completely contravenes the original purpose of the sexual act.
If we could experience the day to day passion for living, sexuality would not be the problem it is. It would be just something we do or do not do, depending on its appropriateness at the time. The problem for most of us is there is no passion in living, so it becomes the exclusive concomitant of copulation.
All the problems associated with sexuality are caused by our identification with the ego, which again, lives only in the past – in memory of what was once enjoyable enough to want again. The hunger for sex is not really what we want – we are looking for release – a release of the tension that we feel building up inside of us.
Once we have been sexually satisfied and our tensions have been blown so to speak, the attraction of sex is no longer a necessity and we wonder why we looked for it so enthusiastically in the first place. But it is not long before the tension rises again. Sexuality then becomes stale and habit-bound.
The seeking of orgasm keeps us in the memories of the past, transposed forward into the anticipated future, so we are not living in or even aware of the present moment, but instead are expecting a hoped for moment in the future. Instead of relating with another person we are relating with our personal needs.
In a true sexual relationship, orgasm is not important. It’s sexuality itself that’s important. A true relationship between human beings and life in general is timeless. It contains within it sex, orgasm, release, the whole box and dice, without putting the emphasis on any one aspect of the relationship.
Dan’s Quote: “Once you see your nature, sex is basically immaterial.”- Bodhidharma